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| Just like that. Canceled it. But don't worry, it's been uncanceled... My novel is on the verge of being completed. If only I had more time to write... I only write in the evenings... But it's pretty cool. I don't even have an ending for it. I think it's going to be longer than fifty thousand words though. Last weekend I saw New Moon and I officially hate teenagers. I swear they jizzed in their panties every time a vampire or wolf got on screen. Stuipd, they've all probably read the books, they know what's going to happen. It was annoying but I got to hang out with my friends and that was awesome. Anyhow, my new book of poems is available. This one is different than the last one, as it actually has a theme. It's dark and depressing I suppose but I'm proud of it regardless. Here's a link! The Exterminator I did it all myself, even taking the picture for the cover. A point of pride in my writing career. I was gonna say it makes a great xmas gift but, I'm not sure it does...lol... Anyhow, when I'm not novel writing, I'm poetry writing and I'm still trying to accomplish a hundred poems in a hundred days. I'm getting there. I'm actually on number 76 but this is the current one I have typed up. #67
A cup half full
The mental scars flavor
My mind and treat the
Issues within as poison,
Quick to expel them.
I'm an addict to circumstance,
Always withdrawling from the
Disappointments that go missing;
Something I'm used to, a
Magician so quick to be scarce.
I'm charring on the inside,
My outsides no longer matching
What qualifies as normal.
I somehow manage to mosey
Along, my legs difficult to move
And my throat swollen from
All the words I yearn to say
But got stuck on the way out.
11-18-09 | | |
| So, last night, my sister came over to study and since it was so late by the time she was done, she spent the night. She went to bed before I did and when I eventually went to bed, I made sure the doors were locked and the lights were off. I fall asleep for ten minutes before Ruby wakes me up. I turn my head towards my door and I see the living room illuminated by light. Just a soft glow. I figure my sister is up and playing on her computer or maybe the back porch light is on. I couldn't rationalize the light just laying in bed so I got up to check it out. My sister was asleep and the light was nothing more than the streetlight, which isn't on every night, but more like every other night. And it's really bright. So I figured DIRRRR and got a glass of water and headed back to bed. Ruby watches me, as she's laying on my sleeping sisters feet. Keep in mind, I'm not fully awake. As I'm about to enter my room, I step on one of Ruby's toys, a ball with a bell in it. It felt like this was all happening in slow motion. As I stumbled on the ball, I tried regaining my footing with my other leg but that failed. I could feel my left ankle about to roll and I have a weak ankle so that would fuck it all up. Rather than suffer through that bullshit again, I buckle my knees and drop. So I skinned my knees instead of rolling my ankle. My sister sits straight up and asks me what the fuck I'm doing. I told her I fell and I'm fighting to not laugh because it's funny only if you saw it. She tells me to be careful and falls back asleep and I go back to bed, still giggling because I know it looked funny. Anyhow, my novel has reached 31,000 words. YAY! | | |
| My novel is closing in on twenty thousand words. It's not where I want to be at the moment but I ran into a few speed bumps along the way. I do work on it daily, whether I'm at work or at home. I was up till almost one in the morning writing on it. I passed some difficult parts though, had trouble tying one scene to another. It reminds me of why I don't typically write novels. I mean, I definitely have the imagination for it, but I get sidetracked easily by other ideas, and I definitely have a problem with certain consistencies. If I were ever to get this novel published, I doubt anyone would buy it. It's bordering on the realm of unbelievable. Not that that's a bad thing, I just don't think that it would be entertaining for anyone. Or they might consider it stupid or silly. I'm okay with my poetry being all over the place but when it comes to my stories, I get shy. Weird how that happens. I am now in the process of shopping for xmas gifts... Not real excited about this as I actually have to watch what I spend now. As much as I'd like to buy everything that reminds me of someone I know, I'll have to abstain from such. I bought gifts for my nieces. And everyone is getting a snuggie from me. Everyone. Still doing my hundred poems. I should have a hundred poems by December 9th and that's right around the corner. I'm at about 64 right now. I can do it, I know I can. I might even compile them and publish them into a small book or something. I am also working on my second book of poems and hope to have that completed soon. I just gotta get the photo shoot done, which includes breaking glass and using fake blood to create something sinister. Or just plain effin' weird. Who knows? Anyhow I haven't posted a poem in awhile so here's the most recent one I have typed up. #50 Farce
Needless sky,
Waving guilt
Swollen like rain
Daring to slam
Down upon my head.
I back out and
Break down and
Swim in the clouds,
Flying like a fool,
But clandestine.
White light
Pilfers the dark,
Deep hues smear
Down and thicken,
Foggy view
And muggy feel,
I am blinding
The sun with reason.
I am farce,
I am fierce,
Pretending to be god
And laying down
Judgement for no
Reason other than I
Hate myself so much
It spreads.
10-30-09 | | |
| I like being single. In fact, I absolutely love it. I hate the idea of having to check in with a significant other. I hate the idea of living in fear of getting pregnant because one time, I was slut enough to not take my pill. I hate the idea of spending the rest of my life with one person and pretending to be in love after the first year of fail. I hate it all. I'm single and I like it and I wish more of my friends were single too. Not that I mean to knock anyone's relationship or marriage, that is not my intention. What I mean is that I don't understand you humans and your need for constant gratification so much that you look for it in someone else. What is it with people needing to be loved? I don't understand, someone explain it to me because I feel quite alien to the idea of it. I've never considered myself like anyone in this world. Sex isn't very interesting to me, being in love is ridiculous, marriage is a joke, and I don't think I'd be a good mother to anyone kid. That's not to say that I hate kids. Not at all. Well maybe a little. But I love my nieces and I think that that's all the kids I'm willing to have in my life e.i. I don't feel like bringing in anymore. Ugh, I just burped and regurgitated salad. Never a good idea. Here's a picture of my Ruby, stuck in a laundry basket. 
Okay, now that I've swallowed back the chunks, I'm good now. I recently had to tell my mom that I don't plan on having kids and it kinda pissed her off but then she laughed. I guess she thinks I'll magically screw up and fall vagina first into a puddle of jizz, thus securing an heir to the royal throne. She's nuts. I get tired of people encouraging me to get into a relationship. That's balls man, and I'm selfish in that I like being around me and that's enough to really make me dislike being around others in a romantic sense. And in other senses too. But, that's just me... | | |
| So far, my novel is at 3,471 words. I'm really intrigued by it, even I don't know what's going to happen next. And I'm still writing poetry as well, that never takes a backseat to anything! As a matter of fact, here's a poem. #41
Story...
Slipping down rows
Of nonsense and
Hoping to find miracles
In corners gathering cobwebs
Like a mind gathers bad memories.
My eyes are broken,
Sight is not what it
Used to be, I no longer
See to experience,
I see to spot the pitfalls
Of my future.
They say I'm not a child
Anymore but I say
They are not people
Anymore, and so goes the story.
10-6-09 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, last night, I was getting ready for bed and my kitty, Ruby, is at the sliding glass window, hissing like crazy. The shade is shut so I can't see her or what she's freaking out about. I assume it's just another cat outside or her own reflection. Then I hear a voice outside. I stop and give a listen and hear some dood, probably drunk, talking to Ruby outside of my sliding glass window. And she is not happy about that. She then comes back from the shades and is all fat and poofy and just looks mad. Rather than act like a normal human being and call 911 because some dood is prowling, I through back the shade and open the door to the guy and say "Can I help you?" in an angered tone. The guy freaks out and runs off. Cool story huh? | | |
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